Thursday, March 26, 2009

Rock & Roll Cities (#2 in an occasional series)

Colorado City, AZ

By Michael Mooney & Jim Webb

Colorado City: population 4807 with 71.8% under the age of 25 and 65% living below the poverty line. Anorexic local former prophet Warren Jeffs hates us heathens, especially Little Richard and Tina Turner. This town needs some Rock And Roll. Suggested chronological mix to get the kids started:

Utah Mormon Blues- Phil Pavey
Rip It Up- Little Richard
Kissin’ Cousins- Elvis Presley
You Don’t Own Me- Lesley Gore
A Change Is Gonna Come- Sam Cooke
Don’t Look Back- The Remains
Break On Through- The Doors
Shape Of Things To Come- Max Frost and The Troopers
Tears Of Rage- The Band
You Could Be Born Again- The Free Design
Cease To Exist- Charles Manson
Big Sky- The Kinks
We’re Not Gonna Take It- The Who
What Goes On- Velvet Underground
Liar- Argent
Ave Lucifer- Os Mutantes
(Don't Worry) If There's A Hell Below We're All Going To Go- Curtis Mayfield
My God- Jethro Tull
Death May Be Your Santa Claus- Mott The Hoople
One Tin Soldier- Coven
Zion Higher- Burning Spear
Godbluff- Van der Graaf Generator
(I’m) Stranded- The Saints
Amazing Grace- Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers
Crazy Horses- Alex Harvey
Oh Bondage! Up Yours- X-Ray Spex
Pinhead- The Ramones
Family Album- David Allan Coe
Welfare Mothers- Neil Young & Crazy Horse
All We Ever Look For- Kate Bush
Fanatics- Minutemen
Rise Above- Black Flag
Religion- Motorhead
Kids Don’t Follow- The Replacements
Girls Just Want To Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper
The Warrior- Scandal
Better Be Good To Me- Tina Turner
Hello Cruel World- The Mekons
Dear God- XTC
Kidnap Yourself- He Said
Roam- The B-52’s
Throwing Back The Apple- Pale Saints
Double Dare Ya- Bikini Kill
Freedom- Tegan and Sara
Cast Me Out In My Hometown- Cathal Coughlan
I Get Out- Lauryn Hill
Beautiful- Christina Aguillera
Mr. Marx’s Table- Wire
Cult- Slayer
The W.A.N.D.- Flaming Lips
Prophet- Carbon/Silicon
-Michael Mooney

I would like to add a few tracks to your music compilation for the members of the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints religious organization. These three songs are specifically dedicated to the imprisoned sociopath, fornicator and false prophet Warren Jeffs. My hope is that the Warden at the Purgatory Correctional Facility will read this and find a way to pump these tunes into Warren's cell 24 hours a day. Listening to the lyrics of these songs repeatedly might help Jeffs, the greatest spiritual con artist of the last hundred years, to realize the damage he’s caused to untold thousands of people, particularly women. If nothing else, constant exposure to Yoko Ono, Helen Reddy and The A's would be a pretty severe punishment. It could even be considered torture.

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back and pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my loving arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long, long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh, yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can face anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman

Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong

When a man lays his cards on the table
Trying to make a name
Looking for a miracle
Looking for something that he does not know
Walking the streets and there's nowhere to go
When a man's got to fight to keep on dreaming
And the whole world seems like it's plotted and see man laying odds
if he's gonna lose
He's gonna need the strength that comes from you

When a man's got to his bottom dollar
And his foolish pride fills with more than he can swallow
When it seems his shame is more than he can bare
And his hopes and dreams are fading into thin air
When a man finds he struggles in vain
And he's holding a losing hand playing a losing game
And he finds he's got his back to the wall
He needs you there to pick him up should he fall

You've got to love him
Squeeze him
Hold him in your arms, never leave him

A woman's got the strength
A woman's got the power

Woman is the nigger of the world
Yes she is...think about it
Woman is the nigger of the world
Think about something about it

We make her paint her face and dance
If she wont be a slave, we say that she don't love us
If she’s real, we say she’s trying to be a man
While putting her down, we pretend that she’s above us

We make her bear and raise our children
And then we leave her flat for being a fat old mother hen
We tell her home is the only place she should be
Then we complain that she’s too unworldly to be our friend

We insult her every day on tv
And wonder why she has no guts or confidence
When she’s young we kill her will to be free
While telling her not to be so smart we put her down for being so dumb

Woman is the nigger of the world
Yes she is...if you don't believe me, take a look at the one you’re with
Woman is the slave to the slaves
Yes she is...if you believe me, you better scream about it

-Jim Webb

A Noriega-style musical bombardment may help Warren’s rehabilitation, though I’d prefer some good old-fashioned blood atonement. Given the chance, one or more of the other residents of Purgatory will likely take that matter up eventually, and send him straight to Hell in a handcart.
-Michael Mooney

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